Live a Great Life Anyway …

There is goodness in everyone … but sometimes it gets snuffed out.

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There really is goodness in everyone.  Sometimes, however, the light inside them gets snuffed out by wounding, pain and trauma that they have experienced.  Sometimes, in people’s best efforts to protect their hearts they lash out or may put walls up in order keep others out.  Sometimes people can get so hyper-focused on their own injuries that they might overlook and/or fail to honor and acknowledge the pain in someone else’s experience.

Paradoxically, we can see clearly what others have done to hurt us, but we are oblivious to how we might have unwittingly hurt them first.  It can be very hard to see the places where they feel like we took the first punch …

One of the most challenging things in all relationships is to have compassion for the wounds of another when you are bleeding yourself.  And, the more deeply you are hurting yourself, the less capacity you will have to ‘see’ beyond your own pain.  It takes a conscious and deliberate effort to make room in our relationships to have compassion for the wounding of others.

And that is not to dismiss, minimize or excuse the pain we can unwittingly inflict upon each other. It is simply and invitation for each of us to open up some space in our hearts towards those who may be struggling to heal their own hurts.  Perhaps hurts that we cannot even see.  And, it is a reminder for each of us to be cautious … to give ourselves a wider berth at times … in order to protect ourselves from any unintentional slights.

With tender compassion for our collective wounding, Karen

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If you know the dog bites …

when people show you who they are believe them

Oprah credits Maya Angelou for teaching her an important adage:                                                                                                                                             “When someone shows you who they are, believe them … the first time.”

But most of us fail to heed the wisdom in those words on a regular basis.  Someone lets us down, hurts us, betrays us, gossips about us etc … and … our heart registers the information and then our heads talk us out of being wary with them.  We argue with ourselves that they maybe didn’t mean it … we blame ourselves for how things devolved.  We talk ourselves into giving them another chance … and perhaps another … and maybe even another.  And … by the time they have injured our trust for the 3rd or 4th time … we are furious with them!!

We can’t believe they hurt us AGAIN!  We feel victimized by them … but … the truth is that we can only hold someone responsible for harming us the first time.  Once we KNOW they are capable of doing that, we are obligated to protect ourselves.  If people harm us repeatedly, we can’t blame them. They are simply being who they are … doing what they do.  Isn’t it just a wee bit unreasonable for us to expect them to be something they have already showed us they are not…?

I often ask clients if a dog was tangled up in a chain and we reached out to set it free and it bit us … would it be wise to reach in again? People wholeheartedly agree “No.”  I say “But even if our best intentions is to help free it … even if we are trying to do something good for them?”  Most people respond by saying “No … you’ll just get bitten again.” 

Yes, so if  you know the dog bites … act accordingly. Same goes for people

And, this is not an easy lesson for compassionate, caring people to learn, Karen

 

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Are you cultivating a pearl … or … cursing the pain?

pearl in shell

It’s a choice … we can choose to make the most of the mess, to turn the grit into gold … to be better not bitter.  But it is a choice.

May we all find ourselves growing glossier not despite our experiences, but because of them, Karen

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Yes, but our eyes may need time to adjust …

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And … sometimes, before we do that, we need to sit in the dark for a while … giving our eyes time to adjust.

With heartfelt compassion for those times when our tender hearts are aching deeply, Karen

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You may have made your bed … but …

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When I was growing up, I often heard the old adage “You made your bed, now lie in it”. I never liked it then and I don’t like it now.

Yikes … the things we chose to think, believe, say or do ten years ago, ten weeks ago, ten days ago or even ten seconds ago … might not fit for us anymore.

And so … we get to change our minds … and reassess the situation.

So go ahead take a look around your life.

Edit where you need to … because, after all, you are creating a masterpiece!

With eager enthusiasm for all the shifts you will make, Karen

 

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Don’t ignore those little whispers …

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Don’t ignore those little whispers … don’t give yourself permission to talk yourself out of them without some careful consideration.

They might be just be that still, small voice of your inner wisdom trying to adjust your sails in a meaningful way.

With deepest respect for intuition, Karen

 

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And they pegged her as a ditsy blonde …

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And they pegged Marilyn Monroe as a ditsy blonde … and … we should be careful we are not erroneously judging a book by it’s cover.  It’s easy to do.

But, I am inclined to think she was on to something here …

What if she is right …?  How would it shift your world if you chose to seek out the potential for light in the seemingly obvious dark?

Karen ❤

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The tree remembers …

Source Unknown but deeply appreciated!

 Enough said … ❤

 

The Moments Between

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One of the hardest lessons for me to learn in my healing process was to let go of the past.  Early in the separation,  I had naively believed that it would be helpful for my former husband and I to discuss the marriage breakdown and even the marriage prior to that.

It took me far too long to realize that I was causing myself ongoing pain and re-opening wounds by doing that.

He did not remember many of the events and words that had cut me open and shattered my heart. Moments and words are seared into my memory forever because they were so shocking and devastating to me. But, he did not remember. So, my pain was minimized or questioned.

The axe forgets but the tree remembers.

For awhile I tried to sort out all the reasons for this or whether he really did remember but was hiding from…

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Blessings in our challenges …??

Miracles! Your Center for Well-Being Inc.

What if, as Byron Katie claims, “Everything is happening FOR you not TO you”? 

What if there was gift, lesson, and/or blessing hidden within the struggles, challenges, circumstances and situations that you are resisting in your life?  Would you be willing to look for it?

I know that when I am faced with a painful  moment, my life always works better for me when I willing to ask myself this powerful question:

“If there was another way to see this, what would it be?”

Warmest hugs,

Karen

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What next … ?

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As my amazing 86 year old mother-in-law has often lamented: “It’s always something.”

And, as life unfolds before us … I have learned that she is right.  Sometimes it seems ‘good’ and sometimes it feels ‘bad’.  But for sure, we are always meeting the next something.  We welcome the ‘good’ times with open arms,  but very few of us embrace the ‘bad’ ones.

But … what if we decided to be completely open and resist nothing.

As Byron Katie says, “You don’t have to like it, it’s just easier if you do.”

It’s not like we have much control over  what happens anyway. We like to believe we do but …

May we be wise enough to roll with the punches and make time to savor the joys … because … this too shall pass!

It always does … Karen

 

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